Welcome, citizens of Athens (or wherever you may call home) to my humble abode, or in Greece we call it the domo. It’s a pretty comfortable place to be sure, lots of room to sit down and have a nice hot cup of coffee. Sit back and I will tell you the tale of that idiot son of mine, Icarus.

I built the first Labyrinth for that asshole King Minos on the island of Crete cause the King had a bit of trouble with the Minotaur, the dude that was half man and half bull cause the Minotaur was drunk and out of control, tearing around the island breaking things and just being a moron. The King and I tossed the old warhorse into the Labyrinth to calm down the area. I built the Labyrinth so well in fact that I could barely get out of the thing myself and damn that Minos, he locked me up in a tower on Crete so no one else could find out my secrets. I couldn’t get out of there by ship either cause Minos had guards all over the place and they were searching cargo holds in case they spotted me and he blocked off all the roads too. Bastard!

Anyways, I had to get the hell off Crete cause who wants to be prisoner on some shitty island anyways? You tell me! At least I had my kid Icarus to help me in my escape. I decided to make some wings out of wax and thread and knickknacks out of the garage. Here is what happened next.

Icarus wasn’t too bright and he was a brat too, never listening to his old man. His Mom was fed up with him and I ended up with full custody after his mom told him to take out the garbage and Icarus told her, “You cooked it, you take out the garbage!” That’s how he ended up sponging off of me.

I told that dope a long time ago to listen to his old man and NOT to get to close to the sun cause wax MELTS when it gets to close to the sun. What does he do? Figures out he’s gonna fly up to the sun cause he would get up there at night. STOOPID! Bang, next thing you know, all the wax melted and he did a crash dive into the sea. Damn kid.

Well, that’s the story of my kid Icarus, that’s the whole of it. Any more questions, talk to my wife. Oh, since you have been kind enough to listen to the story, I’ll let you see this video that my buddy Bruce Dickenson wrote about that kid of mine. Enjoy!

The mission of this blog is to mock Charles “Icarus” Johnson for his insane rantings and lies!