“In Defense Of Charles Johnson” is a phrase I never thought I’d utter.

One of the recurring themes at Little Green Footballs has to do with threats Charles has received over the years. The few examples he’s posted are dopey emails of the “You Are A Poopee Weenie Head” type. Most of us snickered at the supposed death threats that he mentions from time to time yet he’s never posted anything to back up his claim.

It turns out that Charles’ claims may have some legitimacy. (Look at that ————>
but don’t click on it yet. We’ll tell you when.)

First, let’s discuss the term “stalker.” In Charles Johnson/LGF terms, stalkers are evil obsessed bottom-dwellers who have no conscience and live solely to make the “stalkees” miserable and paranoid by reading a blog they dislike and commenting on its false importance and ongoing inanity. That describes The Boiler Room Crew pretty well (except for the part of stalking that involves forcefully striking a BRC Engineer squarely between the shoulder blades to dislodge the foosball he swallowed while washing it).

The real world definition of “stalking” is a bit more brutal than coughing up unwashed foosballs. BRC Engineer No. 8 discovered and forwarded a cache link that we won’t post here. There are some very nasty types out there who really hate Charles Johnson, at least they did in April 2008. Here are two snippets, with personal information blacked out.

We have no problem confirming that one of the commenters on that thread from 26 April 2008 was this guy. What a piece of neonazi shit, as if there were any other kind. Now go back up to that funny little bar at top right and click on it to read the entire thread if you want.

The people on that forum are dangerous nasty, and if anyone from LGF is lurking here, including you, Charles, rest assured that The BRC won’t play that game. Never have, never will. This blog is intended for fun childish mockery only. Now go piss up a rope.

[Source: Beed Statistics International]

The illustration above should be self-explanatory and intuitively obvious to the casual observer that Charles Johnson has nothing to brag about Twitterwise or otherwise. For you purists, here are the stats:

@Lizardoid – Charles Johnson:
Followers: 2,892
Followers per tweet: 0.18
Let x = 0.18 = 100%

@rsmccain – Robert Stacy McCain
Followers: 9,975
Followers per tweet: 0.33
Robert Stacy McCain is 183.33% more popular than Charles Johnson.

@Atlasshrugs – Pamela Geller
Followers: 11,800
Followers per tweet: 1.02
Pamela Geller is 566.67% more popular than Charles Johnson.

@DLoesch – Dana Loesch
Followers: 26,804
Followers per tweet: 1.02
Dana Loesch is 566.67% more popular than Charles Johnson.

@iowahawkblog – David Burge
Followers: 16,400
Followers per tweet: 1.45
David Burge is 805.56% more popular than Charles Johnson.

@AndrewBreitbart – Andrew Breitbart
Followers: 65,025
Followers per tweet: 3.08
Andrew Breitbart is 1,711.11% more popular than Charles Johnson.

Those numbers should speak for themselves, but for the #LGF lurkers out there who are numerically challenged, we’ll spell it out: Your master and gracious host is littering Twitter and nobody gives a shit.

Except for us. And just to put everything in perspective:

@kirstiealley – Kirstie Alley
Followers: 947,529
Followers per tweet: 37.84
Kirstie Alley is 21,022% more popular than Charles Johnson.

[BRC News Services - Culver City] And they said it couldn’t be done.

There are no more spambots on Twitter thanks to a recluse blogger and former jazz guitar sideman/bicycle enthusiast named Charles Johnson. On November 21, internet rumors hinted that Johnson was onto something big, yet nobody knew just how big it was. Johnson wasn’t talking, and for good reason – he was busy.

Working from his makeshift computer lab strewn with the detritus typical of recluse bloggers, Johnson steers a website named “Little Green Footballs,” fondly referred to by fans as “The Blog Version of Animal Farm.”

What Johnson accomplished in the past 48 hours or so was to single-handedly identify and eliminate each and every spambot on Twitter, one by one, with painstaking and ruthless efficiency. Rarely does one play “whack-a-mole” and win, yet Charles Johnson somehow pulled it off.

And he’s not done yet. Johnson is a farce to be reckoned with, and spambots everywhere are giggling nervously, apprehensive of Charles Johnson’s next un-telegraphed move. Kudos are in order.

Daedalus Update:

Charles Johnson is now asking for assistance in his war with Twitter spambots.

Poor Chucky!

The Old Charles was pissed about foreigners attacking the US.

…while the new Charles is ticked off at his former compatriots.

Amazing. News aggregation site, my ass.

Deadalus Note: Special DOD show tonight about Killgore’s Lament.

Does this mean anything? Absolutely not, unless you were one of the fortunate few to be labeled “Retard” or “A Dick” by Charles Johnson in one of his approximately 50K comments. (Caveat: I count myself among the 555 Creeps.)

Not included in the pie chart are The Elite – 5 Dorks and 8 Shitheads. Wear it loud, wear it proud.

The Boiler Room Crew has a rep for bringing to light the best ChuckFactChecking of the entire internest.  What makes the BRC tick is that we all hate each other. Fortunately, most of the mudslinging goes on behind the scenes, and the emails are of little interest to anyone but us BRC bastards.

When a BRC Engineer proposes a project, the emails usually begin with a single word: “Bullshit.” Then the other Engineers tear it apart, slinging data and arguments until someone dares one of the others to post it. By that time, the post has been vetted as stone-cold and solid, and we all return to the foosball table. Here’s a recent example.

Many folks on this blog have noted that the number of comments on LGF dropped off significantly once Charles began commenting more. One of the BRC opined that it might be interesting to correlate Charles’ increased activity on LGF with the reduction of lizard comments over the same time span. The reply from The Boiler Room was typical. “Bullshit.”

Also, iceweasel made its first appearance May 8, 2009.  Coincidence?

To top it off, you just can’t beat an arbitrary graph that looks like a reclining decapitated bimbo to make the point. Engineer No. 5 has since been promoted to BRC Bastard 1st Class.
Congratulations are in order.

Let’s talk about vulgarity. Charles Johnson has the knack for spouting that which most of us sentient bloggers avoid.

[Vulgarity Warning - Bad Bad Words Below the Break. If you are easily offended, may we suggest this alternative.]

Read more…

The Boiler Room Crew is a fun bunch. We don’t get even, we get odd. We look for patterns and stuff, and occasionally we make a quilt. When we’re bored with quilting and foosball, we look at statistics.

There has been speculation that Charles Johnson obsesses over a small number of former allies of the right-wing blogosphere, and after a cursory examination of Charles Johnson’s own comments posted in the years spanning 2001 to 2011, it’s intuitively obvious to the casual observer that his allegations and accusations are inherently false.

Update: Due to much hemming and hawing in the thread below, here are the raw numbers used for the pie. It was only intended to illustrate what we’ve suspected for a long time.  Note that the numbers were culled from approximately 50K of Charles’comments through 22 October 2011.

560 Pamela Geller
364 Andrew Breitbart
359 Robert Spencer
165 Robert Stacy McCain
95 Jim Hoft
26 Victor Davis Hanson

(Side note – Rodan and Savage earned a combined total of 128 over the same span.)

We owe our blog nativity to Charles Johnson. If it weren’t for Charles, we wouldn’t be here, and if we weren’t here, we’d have never contacted Andrew Breitbart, and if we hadn’t contacted him, he wouldn’t have had a reason to call into the Blogmocracy Radio Show because it wouldn’t have existed.

Since Charles Johnson‘s bogeyman du jour is Andrew Breitbart, and that Andrew Breitbart was cordial enough to call in, we figure we owe them both. Let’s start with this one, reposted from downstairs:
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“Well, as you remember Charles was all over the fact that The New Black Panther party were featured on Obama’s campaign website. Charles made quite a fuss over it. Even when the Obama team removed the pages Charles was still at it yelling ‘memory hole.’”
–Internet Septic Tank Engineer
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Nice commentary, Charles. Updings!
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Dude was hot in those days.
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Quite a  list there. Kudos.
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“So, in 2011 a link between NBPP and Obama being discussed is a nontroversy and a fake outrage. Not so for Charles in 2008.”
– Internet Septic Tank Engineer

Aside from the obvious hypocrisy, note the 2008 view counter numbers – once upon a time it was almost accurate.

[h/t to Gary Cooper and Lord Nazh and the BRC.]

Charles Johnson’s Lizards don’t like the First Amendment much, especially that pesky Freedom of The Press annoyance. I don’t think we’ve been down this path before.

Oh wait, we have… I remember.

But that was then, and this is, um, then as well.

Charles Johnson won’t do it himself, so he’s got his loyal lizards dropping droppings, but not in the review section this time, because they can’t. They are doing it in the category section, before Pamela Geller’s book has even been released by Amazon.

Here’s jaunte’s screenshot from Amazon:

Okay, guess who added those offensive categories? Before Pamela Geller’s book has even hit the Amazon Market, Loyal Lizard jaunte is crapping all over it, just like garhighway and others did the last time.

So who’s up next to chime in on the lizard line?

The Lizardoids are on the march, just like they were a year ago. Does Pamela Geller’s book have anything at all to do with Charles Johnson? Is she a threat to him? Of course not. She’s moved on, has become more successful and prosperous, but Charlie don’t surf. Charlie don’t write, either.

Let’s take another quick peek at the Amazon status, just for fun, to see who’s been messing with it:

Yep. Nice job. Charles I AM LITTLE GREEN FOOTBALLS IT’S ONLY ME Johnson is violating the 1st Amendment rights of others.

Charles, you’re a mess.

[UPDATE: Pamela Geller responds!]